In My League
by Mylisssa
Summary: She'd give me a chance if I asked her. She'd give me a day by her side—maybe two. But I want to be something more than just another one of her meaningless relationships or a name on her never-ending list.


Summary: She'd give me a chance if I asked her. She'd give me a day by her side—maybe two. But I want to be something more than just another one of her meaningless relationships or a name on her never-ending list.

DISCLAIMER: Twilight and its inclusive material is copyright to Stephenie Meyer. Original creation, including but not limited to plot and characters, is copyright to the respective authors of each story. No copyright infringement is intended.

My entry for The Revenge of the Nerds Contest:

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In My League

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Pop, pop, pop. My knuckles crack followed by my shoulders as I roll them before I stretch. Jake's pumped, jumping up and down, causing his long, dark ponytail to swing side to side. I step back because I know firsthand what it's like to have him fling his hair into my mouth. His enthusiasm motivates me though, and I fist bump him and jump a few times myself.

Standing on the other side of the granite kitchen island, James is on the phone with his girlfriend, Vickie. He hasn't pulled his hair back yet. It's just hanging there all blond and curly down to his chin. We have to let him talk to her now, though, or else she'll be interrupting practice. As serious as he is, once we get playing, he'll drop everything if she calls him.

I put lukewarm water on my hands from the sink and push my hair back. I draw the line at ponytails. If it feels long enough for one, I get it cut. Water droplets stick to my glasses and blur my vision. I wipe the lenses with the bottom of my T-shirt, not caring about stretching out the material.

Jake is filling up our water bottles with the filtered water from the refrigerator door as he laughs at magnets I painted when I was seven. Ignoring him, I grab an unopened box of energy bars because once we start practicing, we'll be at it for a while.

We're set to go, but Romeo over there is still sweet-talking his girl. She probably wants his Fridays to be with her, but she'll have him all day tomorrow, starting with his usual corny brunch scheme. She thinks it's the sweetest thing ever, but in a couple weeks, we have a tournament, and unless she plans on being a cheerleader, she's going to have to live a few days without him.

The lovey-dovey talk has surpassed ridiculous. James thumbs the elastic band on his wrist like he's ready to get his hair tied up and get to work, but instead of ending the call, he pushes aside the pale, yellow curtains above the sink and peers out the window. "I'm just looking at the trees and being reminded of the color of your eyes. The forest is no comparison. You're always on my mind, Vee. Always."

I'm going to get sick, but at least he's taken my advice. I have hints of red in my hair. I wouldn't mind it if it weren't for all the comments. Older women love it, but guys at school gave me hell when we were younger. Vickie's hair is the brightest red I've ever seen, and she's got a lot of it. I told James if he feels like he has to compliment her on it, leave the color out of it. I've never had a girlfriend, so it's the only advice I had to give.

Last year, Jessica Stanley said I could take her to junior prom if I wore contacts. I got some and couldn't stand them. I didn't get them for Jessica, but if contacts were all Jessica required of me, I thought they'd give me the confidence boost I needed for that certain someone else I no longer like to think about.

James finally hangs up the phone and pulls back his hair.

"Fuckin' finally." Jake shoves James' shoulder. "What's the point of all that?"

James pushes his tongue against the inside of his cheek repeatedly like the vulgar ass Vickie doesn't know he is.

"Yeah, right," Jake says, but looks at me. "Do you believe this?"

I shake my head. "She's got this timeline she's following. They're not even past French kissing."

"How'd you know about that?" James asks as we make our way out of the kitchen and through a hallway lined with my school pictures.

I lift my shoulders once. "Heard about it from her friend. Sorry, bro, ladies love to talk to me."

Really, it's more like they don't realize they're talking right in front of me, but it's a moot point because I didn't want to talk to them in the first place. There's only one girl I care about noticing me, and she's aware of when I'm there. At least there's that. That's something. But I still don't like to think about her.

We mess around as we warm up. The score doesn't matter. We're just trying to get into our groove. Jake's on defense, James is our scorer, and me, I make the plays happen.

James scores and Jacob says, "Nice assist," but James plays air guitar, in his own world of celebration as if he scored all by himself.

We go a few more rounds. James makes a few great shots, and Jake makes several awesome blocks. When I get an opening, I take the shot, and even though James likes full credit, he says, "Sick," and knocks my arm with his fist. We're on a roll, but before we get down to business, we take five.

"Holy shit!" Jake's looking at his phone. "Bella already broke up with Newton. That must be a record. How long did she give him? Twelve hours?"

I've got my water bottle open, and I take a drink to cover up my smile. "More like six." I've been keeping track since this started four months ago. She says yes to everyone that asks her out no matter who they are. Forty-eight hours is her longest relationship to date, but when Mike put his arm around her after school today, I should have known he'd make the record for her shortest relationship. She doesn't like to be touched on the first day. On day two, she might let them hold her hand. I hate it when they make it to day two, but at least she always dumps them soon after.

Jake ticks his tongue. "And…she's in a relationship with Ben Cheney."

I throw my controller, and the handle goes through the drywall.

"Whoa. You okay, bro?" James asks with his brows crinkled.

I get up from my gaming chair and kick the controller across the room. At least I didn't hit one of the three TVs we have set up side by side or any of our consoles. "This is getting old."

Ben Cheney is in love with Angela Weber. Everyone knows it. Hell, I'm pretty sure Angela knows it. Why doesn't he ask her out? Why? Because maybe, just maybe she'll say no, and Bella keeps saying yes to everyone.

I fall back on my bed, but my gray comforter does nothing to comfort me. Even more than not liking to think about her, I don't want to talk about her, but this is too much. "You'd think getting broken up with so fast would be worse than rejection. I don't get it." I know it would be for me—to get that chance just to lose it.

"I've heard some guys talking." Jake plops down beside me, causing the mattress to dip and my body to slide toward him. "Some are trying to make it past the two-day limit, and some think it would be funny to dump her. They're full of shit though. As far as I know, no one's ever broken up with her."

I shake my head in disbelief. A year ago, when she was my shy lab partner, I wouldn't have believed any of this possible. Now, the second she's single, guys race to get to her. It started with Eric Yorkie asking her to prom at the end of junior year. I should've asked her. I wanted to ask her. She'd asked me if I was going during biology. I said I didn't know and asked if she was. She said she wanted to go and asked if I was thinking of asking anyone. Asking her then was on the tip of my tongue, but I couldn't get the words out, and I just shrugged. She agreed to go with Eric Yorkie a few days later.

My friends and I aren't the coolest guys around, but I'm pretty sure Eric hasn't gone through puberty yet. He's one of those guys who's supposed to blossom in college and not steal the girl I'm into in high school. After she said yes to him, it made everyone think she'd say yes to anyone, and she does. I don't like to think about her anymore, but that doesn't mean I can stop.

"Dude," James says. "Just ask her out. She'll say yes."

"What's that going to get me?"

James shrugs. "Practice. Think of it as a warm-up."

I'm lucky he has a girlfriend. Otherwise, he'd be following his own advice and warming up his dating skills with Bella.

"He doesn't want her to be the warm-up," Jake says.

I'm lucky that he gets it. He'd never ask her out. He'd never do that to me.

We try to go back to the game, but I can't get into it. There's this adjustment period every time I hear about her being with someone else. I need a few hours to brood. Jake and James know I'm useless, so we switch to the sci-fi channel and veg out.

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I run through the parking lot to the cafeteria. I'm pretty fast, but even so, my sweatshirt is soaked. Forks High wasn't designed with consideration to the location. Unless you're lucky enough to have all of your classes in the same building, there is a lot of outside walking. This is Forks. Sometimes the rain sprinkles. Sometimes it pours.

Ben's car pulls into the lot just as the cafeteria doors close. My pulse races. I don't want to know if Bella's in that car. I'm convinced that Ben is only dating Bella to see Angela's reaction. He won't be the one to finally break her two-day maximum streak. They probably took separate cars, or maybe they didn't, but they probably did. If he did bring her to school though, and she breaks up with him, I can offer her a ride.

After buying a cinnamon roll and chocolate milk, I join my friends at our table in the corner. Two small groups have taken up other corners of the room, but aside from them, the cafeteria is empty.

My friends are somber, half-asleep, and useless. Jake gives me a nod as he dunks his cinnamon roll into his milk—white, not chocolate. Gross. James has his arms crossed on the table with his forehead resting against them. There's a red mark on his neck that could have only come from someone sucking on it. I take it that brunch went well. It strikes a nerve. I've never been jealous of his relationship before, but after talking to Jake and James about not wanting a day or two chance with Bella, I realize what I do want. James already has it with Vickie. It's time spent, a physical progression, and when they're not together, their planning when they will be.

I manage to avoid seeing Ben and Bella together between classes. Today, the rain is on my side because it has me rushing between buildings.

Bella sits in front of me in Chemistry. I have a love-hate relationship with this class. I try not to stare at the door for her arrival, but I look up when I hear metal chair legs scrape against the floor. Her backpack is rain-soaked, but she pulls a book out from under her shirt. I see the tell-tale sticker from the local library. Her hair is dripping, but her book is dry. I smile at her priorities.

"Hi," she says, and I say it back before she takes her seat. That's what we're reduced to—hi. Last year it was months working side by side, timid looks, and laughs, sometimes.

She gets out a Lifesaver and sets it on her tongue. It's red—probably cherry. She buys every kind they make. Last year, she'd give me one and have me guess the flavor. This year, she doesn't share, so all my guesses are to myself based solely on color.

Angela, Bella's lab partner, keeps adjusting her glasses in Bella's direction and glaring at her. I don't think it's because she's not sharing her Lifesavers.

Garrett, my current lab partner, is strumming his pencil against the table. He's an all-around athlete with a cheerleader girlfriend, but he and Kate broke up again. He's been twitchy ever since. I don't know why he's worried. They're bound to get back together. I can't imagine anyone dating Kate if it means they have to compete with Garrett.

He's okay for a lab partner. I do all the work, but at least he writes out our labs. He may be damn near perfect, but his handwriting is girly as hell. He thinks I'm amused by science, so I let him think that as I laugh at the loop-di-loos in his penmanship.

Riley Biers, another all-around athlete—second string to Garrett's first, approaches Bella's table, clearing his throat. "Hey, Bella."

"Oh, hi," she says, her voice laced with confusion, and I agree; why the hell is he talking to her?

"How are you?" He puts his palms flat on her table with a smile that's inappropriate to use on a girl who already has a boyfriend.

"Good," she says, and although she's polite and looking up at him, her tone sounds dismissive.

"So, you and Ben, huh? How's that going?" Riley asks, licking his lips as he looks at her while wearing jeans so skinny they're probably painful.

"It's going," she says, and I don't have the slightest clue what that means.

Riley's elbows bend as he leans forward. "Well, I was thinking…maybe if things don't work out with Ben, you and I should give it a shot."

Bella thumbs the worn corners of her book. "The thing is…someone else already asked last period."

"Oh, that's cool," Riley says. "How about we just try after that?"

"You'd do that?" Bella asks.

He gets that dumb smile back, and I'm glad I can't see her face to know if it's working on her. "Of course. You're worth the wait."

"Okay, then, yeah. If it doesn't work out, we can try."

"Cool." Riley walks backward a couple steps, smiling all the way. I hope he trips, but he turns around before he runs into anything.

When the bell rings at the start of class, Garrett nudges my arm and gets a little closer to my ear than I'd like him to be. "Hey, is Bella taking numbers now?"

I roll my eyes at the absurdity of it, glad I'm not the only one who finds this bizarre. I just shrug though. I'm not going to make fun of her. It's the guys who are willing to stand in line to call her their girlfriend for a day or two that are funny.

We listen to the instructions for our assignment and then the teacher goes to his desk to ignore us for the rest of the class period.

Garrett leans forward and taps Bella's shoulder. "Hey, Bella. How 'bout if it doesn't work out with Riley, you and I go out?"

He could have asked anyone else. He doesn't need to practice asking, and to anyone in this school, even if he's not officially with Kate, they're still together.

She looks even more confused than I feel. "What about Kate?"

He shrugs. "It's over. Don't worry about that."

"Okay, well sure. That'd be fine. I guess I'll start writing names down—kind of like having a dance card." She's smiling to herself as if she's romanticizing the idea, but I don't know what the hell a dance card is. "But please don't feel obligated to wait for me. If you change your mind, just let me know. No questions asked."

He nudges my arm with his elbow again, and it hurts, but I play it cool. "How 'bout you, Edward? You wanna get on that dance card?"

Bella turns back to look at me, her mouth slightly open like she's just waiting to know, so she can add my name. It's as simple as that. I can say, "Yeah," and a week from now, I'll get to spend a day or two as Bella's boyfriend. I didn't even have to ask.

"No, thanks. Good luck with all that though." I nod toward her paper, and she nods back before turning around.

Right now, I wish I could read her thoughts.

Angela throws her hands in the air. "I'm sorry, Bella. I know you mean well, but you have a boyfriend."

Bella kneads the back of her neck. "Yeah, I know. I'll talk to him. He likes someone else anyway. This is all just…never mind, I know you don't want to hear it."

Angela let's out a humorless laugh. "Let's just get this done.

When Angela and Bella go get their supplies, Garrett elbows me again. This time, hard enough to leave a bruise. "Why the hell didn't you get in on that, Cullen? That was you're best chance to get with a real-life girl. Probably your only chance." He chuckles.

My arm burns. I want to rub it, but I don't. Ben likes Angela. Garrett's in love with Kate. "Do you even like her?"

"She's cute enough. I wouldn't want to be on that list after me, either. There's no way the girl's breaking up with me."

I want to mention his track record with holding on to Kate, but I'm not the jerk here, so I stand instead and get our supplies. Remember when I said Garrett was an okay lab partner? I was wrong. And he still writes like a girl.

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Before the school day is over, so are Bella and Ben. Giving her a ride home isn't an option, either. I step outside just in time to see her leave with her new boyfriend, Paul. The rain has stopped. The sun breaks through the clouds as if the murky day can turn glorious, but hello, the ground's still wet. Once in my car, I slam the door shut and push my forehead against the steering wheel.

I want to scream, but instead, I squeeze the wheel until my hands can't grip any harder. I've lost all respect for Garrett, but he may have a point. That might have been my only chance with Bella, and I blew it.

Once home, I skip steps as I run up to my room. Neither food, nor my mom's mothering are going to help me right now, but the reprieve from my life I'm hoping to find in my bedroom is squashed the moment I step into it.

My dad, sitting in my gaming chair and searching through the apps on my console, doesn't look up when I enter. I let my backpack fall to the floor with a thud.

His hair, almost as long as mine, is slicked back, but as he turns to face me, a piece falls out of place. "What's it about these games that makes you so angry, or am I wrong? Is it one of your friends with the anger issues?"

I'm so mentally drained I can't comprehend what I've done that has him needing to talk to me right now. "We're not angry. Do you want to play something?"

"Sure," he says even though he sucks at video games.

I set the game up on tutorial mode. This would be easier for him if I offered to play catch. I'm not as athletic as he is, but I can catch a baseball. I just prefer not to.

He skips through the instructions without reading them, and I have to tell him what to do.

I sit on one of the bean bags my friends use when they don't bring their own chairs. "Just hit the ball where it tells you to."

He looks at me with one brow raised. "With a car? I thought this was a rocket game."

"There are rockets on the cars." I give him several minutes to get used to the controls before I get us into a game. He makes a few good blocks, probably by accident, but I cheer with him nonetheless. When I score a goal, I don't think I've ever seen him more proud of me.

"I like this—the competition and the strategy. This is the one you're playing in a tournament soon?" he asks when the game is over.

I nod, ready to start another game, but we've reached the talking point of this afternoon.

"And I take it this doesn't mean you're interested in soccer?"

My thumb twitches. I really want to play. "No, sorry."

"So when does the anger come in? When you lose?"

We rarely lose. "If we lose, we try to figure out where we went wrong. Were we yelling or something?" Sometimes the swearing can get out of hand, but being on the third floor, I always assumed they couldn't hear us.

"How did we get this hole in my wall?" he nods toward where I threw my controller yesterday.

"Oh, that wasn't because of the game. That was about a girl. I'm sorry. I'll patch it."

He stares at me. No words for several moments. "If your anger issues stem from a girl, that's worse than what I thought I was dealing with here."

As he sets his controller down on the floor like it will explode if he moves too fast, I try to figure out what to tell him. I don't talk to my parent about girls. I'd rather not start now.

"It wasn't because of her exactly. She had a new boyfriend who everyone knows is in love with someone else. It didn't seem right."

"Aw," he says and ticks his tongue. "Gotcha. Well, no more holes. I'll help you fix that one."

"Do you want to play again?" I ask and am relieved when he says, "Yes." The less talking, the better.

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I get to school just in time to see Bella arrive with Paul. Sitting in my car, I see them make their way toward the school. Her brown hair moves down her back in waves as she laughs with her head thrown back. He's a funny guy, carefree, and generous. When he tries to hold her hand, she lets him.

He's a different breed that Paul. Although he's a step up from Ben, and at this point, Garrett, he doesn't know her like I do. He doesn't know that book under her arm is a different one almost daily. He doesn't know that as innocent as the covers look, the books she reads are really racy. He doesn't know that when she gets to the good parts she twirls a piece of her hair around and around. I know from when I sat by her in biology. We worked so well together that our work was done fast, and she had plenty of time to read, and sometimes, I got a glimpse of a sentence here and there if she held the book just right.

She's never spoken to him and gotten a far-off stare as she twirled her hair around her fingers as if her thoughts about him we're as racy as her books. Getting that look from her and being rendered mute, is the regret of my life that surpasses the growing number of them. I've never her seen her look at anyone else like that, but I've also never seen her laugh like she is with Paul or let someone take her hand so easily. If he's the one that actually works out, then I hope he does know all those things about her. She deserves that. At least he asked her for a chance.

Jessica Stanley sits behind me in math class. She's writing on my back with her finger and asking me what she's spelled. I'm tense, and it feels like a massage.

"So will you?" she asks as her fingers walk along my shoulders.

I roll my eyes at the request written on my back. There's no way I'm attempting a bun. "My hair's not long enough."

"You could grow it out." Her fingers move to my neck, and my eyes close. She's pretty, and she sees some sort of potential in me, but as her nails move from my neck to my scalp, I can't help but wonder what Bella's would feel like. Jessica shouldn't be with a guy she has to mold into being what she wants anyway. There's also the fact that most of the time, I find her annoying.

I move forward, so she can't reach me. "I don't like it long."

Her hand is paused mid-air, and her lower lip juts out. "I would."

"Sorry, no."

She nods and lowers her hand. I feel like an ass, and I wonder if this is why Bella doesn't reject anyone. Jessica looks like she's going to cry, and it's almost enough to make me give in, but I'm so hung up on Bella that it wouldn't be fair to just try with her.

"I'm sorry," I say again, and she swipes at her eyes.

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I avoid seeing Bella and Paul the rest of the day, and I don't check her relationship status even when I'm home. The hours go by, and I'm aware of them, but I'm determined not to monitor social media until they've reached that forty-eight-hour mark. That will be the moment of truth. For all I know, they don't have chemistry, or he has an alternate agenda like so many guys seem to.

My mom brings a plate of cookies to my room, eyeing the hole in my wall as she sets them on my desk.

I just want to play a game, space off, or go to sleep, but my mom sits on my bed and pulls me into her arms. "Is there anything you want to talk about? You can tell me anything, you know?"

She smells like melted chocolate chips; my whole room does.

"I'm just tired," I say, but I don't move. Feelings are draining.

"Your dad told me what happened." She squeezes me closer, a button on her blouse digs into my cheek. "I was your age once, and I know what it's like to be infatuated from afar. I just wish someone had told me to open my eyes and be open to other people."

"Okay, thanks." I pull away from her, and she lets me go. In the way my dad didn't get an athletic son, my mom didn't get the daughter who'd appreciate her advice and confide in her. I'm what they got. "If a girl kind of likes me, but she has a list of stuff I need to change so that she'll really like me, and I think she's annoying, then it's not a good idea, right?" I know it's not, but I don't want to talk about Bella.

She pushes back my hair. "It sounds like you've got the right idea. How'd she get you so worked up? It doesn't sound like you like her?"

I follow her gaze back to the hole in the wall. "Different girl."

She smiles with her lips sealed shut so tight the edges turn white. "Did you get the impression that this girl likes you, or is it one of these from-afar infatuations I was telling you about?"

Bella's not some girl I'm crushing on just because she's attractive. "I thought she might, but she has a boyfriend…" I don't tell her that it's a different boyfriend than the controller in the wall incident.

"Oh, honey." She pulls me back to her, and maybe it would be comforting if it weren't for that damn button she's trying to imprint on my cheek. "I know it's hard to believe, and right now she may seem like the only one, but there will be so many girls you'll like in the next couple of years."

When she finally leaves, I don't want to think about Bella, so I call Jake and James over to practice a few rounds. James is busy playing boyfriend, but Jake never lets me down.

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I don't rush through the parking lot. Bella and Paul are over. I checked her social media before school—couldn't help it. There's a group of guys hovering near where she usually parks. They probably think she's single, but any minute now, she'll be with Riley.

Pulling open the cafeteria door, I ignore how many more names will be added to her lineup before Riley's by her side. I'm not worried about him. Long term, I can't see them together.

As I head over to buy my cinnamon roll, I'm already annoyed. Vickie sitting in my seat has me crumpling the dollars in my hand. She's a nice girl, but happy coupledom feels far-fetched, and my friend and his girl are as cheesy as they come.

Vickie and James share his cinnamon roll, and Jake rolls his eyes whenever she's not looking. Her voice carries and echoes across the deserted room. If she joins us too often, the place will likely clear out entirely.

James tickles her, and her boobs bounce under her tight T-shirt when she laughs. I look away. Jake doesn't. James tickles her again.

"Do you want to come over tonight?" I ask Jake, breaking his concentration from Vickie's chest.

"Hey," James says, reaching around Vickie and pushing my shoulder. "What about me?"

I smile at Vickie before saying to James, "Come if you're free."

"You should go," Vickie says and places one of her hands on my forearm and one on James's as if she's linking us together. "Your friendship is important, too."

When the warning bell rings, James pulls me aside. "That wasn't cool. Don't not invite me again."

I lift the weight of my backpack off my shoulders and let it drop. "But you're _always_ busy."

"Not _always_." He leans closer. "We hit second base, and she's been clingy. I can't ditch her, or she'll think I'm using her. Just invite me, okay?"

"Fine, but don't get mad if you're busy, and I just hang out with Jake."

His jaw tenses.

When he doesn't say anything else, I walk away, but he grabs the loop on my backpack and says, "I mean it, dude. Just because I have a girlfriend, it doesn't mean we're not friends."

He looks teary-eyed, so I mock some movements as if we have our own handshake. He goes along, and I feel bad. "You could always bring her over, but you'll have to play split screen. There's only so much I can do for you."

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At lunch, I get a front row seat for the beginning of the Bella and Riley ship.

"Belley. Rilla. Oh, I know, Isaley."

Vicky's presence at our lunch table has me eating faster. The show in front of me is bad enough without her shipping them. When I'd dismissed the idea of Bella and Riley, I wasn't thinking about her friends and their boyfriends. Jasper and Emmett are jocks. They clap Riley on the back when he approaches Bella. Rose and Alice move their chairs over to make room, and he grabs an empty chair and sits down right next to the only girl I've ever had feelings for.

Jake opens his milk carton by tearing the cardboard with brute force instead of pushing and pulling like the rest of us. "I don't ship them," he says.

James looks at me. "Me, either."

Vickie brushes chip seasoning off her fingers. "What? Why?"

James kisses Vickie's cheek. "Because she keeps rushing into relationships, and it's not working. She needs to take a step back and figure out who she likes."

Vickie looks over as if she's assessing the new relationship. "Maybe you're right. Should I say something to her in study hall? We're not really friends. No one likes her, but I think she's nice."

"Everyone likes her," Jake says.

Vickie shakes her head. "I meant no girls like her except her two friends over there."

James opens her Jell-O cup, and says, "Seems like that girl could use a friend like you."

Vickie feeds him a bite of red gelatin. "You're right. She obviously wants a boyfriend, and I know a thing or two about being in a solid relationship."

Jake rolls his eyes, but I'm not annoyed. My friend's girlfriend being friends with Bella doesn't sound bad at all.

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Garrett catches the same damn spot on my arm with his elbow. His eyes are on Bella and Riley as they talk right outside the classroom. "Do you think she puts out?"

"No," I say and rub my arm. It hurts, and so does seeing her talk to the guy that fits in so well with her friends. The rumors she puts out are as many as the ones that say she's a prude. "She barely holds hands. Why the hell are you asking me anyway?"

He snorts and shakes his head. "Um, because she's your friend. What's your deal today?"

"Video games piss me off." It's the most logical thing I can think to say.

"Yeah, me, too, sometimes. What do you play?"

If this is leading to playing with him, I don't want to go there. "This and that."

He doesn't notice the brush off. He's too busy ogling Bella as she heads toward her seat in front of us. I'm hung up on the friend word I've been hearing so much lately. He's right. I'm friends with her, or at least I was before she started this whole daily-boyfriend thing.

Before she can greet me first, I say, "Hey, Bella."

"Hey, I like your shirt." She says, but I know it's nothing special—just plain black.

She sits down, but she's still turned around, facing me. I've been doing this wrong. Friends, this perfect girl and me. All these months I've spent bitter, and I could have been talking to her.

"Thanks. What are you reading?"

She hugs the book before handing it to me.

I hold it like it's fragile as I eye the public library sticker. "If you love it so much, how do you turn it in?"

She brings her shoulder to her ear and holds it there. "If I love it, I'll check it out again later."

"Uh huh," I say, handing it back. "How often do you have to pay fines?"

Her jaw drops, and she gasps. "Never."

"So you have a squeaky clean library record?"

She starts twirling her hair. "You can't prove anything. Library records are confidential."

My eyes get stuck on the action of her fingers. "Classified information?" I manage to ask.

She nods, but the bell rings, and she turns around. I watch her sneak her Lifesavers under the table and unravel the wrapper until she frees a hard candy. She moves her hand up to her mouth when the teachers back is turned. I got a glimpse of it; I'm pretty sure it's butterscotch.

Garrett nudges my arm, and I swear if he does it one more time, I'm elbowing him back.

"Books, really?" he whisper-asks. "Were you trying to flirt?"

"No, she's my friend. Sometimes, I talk to her."

His eyebrows scrunch like the idea is foreign, but he leaves me alone after that. It was nice talking to her, but it sucks when I have to watch Riley wait for her after class.

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.

The next morning, Riley's Jeep is parked next to Emmett's in the parking lot like they've started a club. My social media app won't load, so I can't check Bella's relationship status, but the Jeep says it all.

Vickie's already in the cafeteria with James and Jake. She has her own cinnamon roll today—figures, they're too good to share. Hopefully, she doesn't spill our secret culinary find to our peers.

"Hey, Vickie," I say as I set down my breakfast dessert and chocolate milk. I give the guys a nod, but today I have a vibe with Vickie and our mutual friendship with Bella. James got a text from Vickie while we were playing last night. Vickie's befriending Bella went well.

We make small talk, and I want to ask about Bella, but as far as I know, Vickie isn't aware of my feelings. They deserve a friendship that isn't biased. James interrupts our conversation by tickling her, and I have to look away.

Jake looks half asleep. Our gaming ran pretty late last night, but we've gone with less sleep.

"How do you feel about coffee?" I pull apart my cinnamon roll, breathing in the steam escaping from the gooey layers.

Jake squints. "Like I could plug my nose and chug down thirty shots of it right about now."

I finish chewing before I say, "Coffee shots before school could be a beautiful thing."

Vickie grabs my bicep and squeezes. "That sounds so fun. Can we do coffee shots during the sleepover?"

"Sleepover?" My hands get clammy. What?

"Sorry, sorry. I know there's no sleeping on game night. I meant all-nighter, but I'm going to need those coffee shots if I'm going to stay awake. Oh, and tell your mom not to worry about breakfast. I told mine about these cinnamon rolls, and she's determined to make some that we like better."

I look at James for help here, but he seems just as torn as I feel. My parents will never go for this. One of us is going to have to let her down, but the cafeteria door bursts open and lets in a trio of giggling girls.

"Is this really my life right now," Bella says while Rosalie and Alice laugh some more.

"Bella!" Vickie waves.

Bella waves back, and they make their way toward us.

"Hey, Allie, look it's Edward," Rosalie says, smiling my way.

Alice Brandon sits on the table right beside me. "Hi, Edward," she says with a flutter of her eyelashes.

I'm caught off guard and manage only a half wave.

"Don't be weird. Seriously." Bella sets her books, coffee, and a pastry down beside Alice and takes the seat between Jake and me.

"Good luck with her." Rosalie tugs on Bella's hair. "She's feisty today."

Rosalie and Alice laugh as they leave.

"What was that all about?" Vickie asks.

Bella picks up her pastry and huffs. "Emmett claimed Riley in the breakup. Apparently, they didn't realize they were besties before."

"Well, that bites." Vickie wipes her icing-coated fingers off on a napkin. "I thought you liked him. What happened?"

Bella snorts as she pops a piece of cakey-bread in her mouth and swipes her hands together, clearing them of crumbs. "I've been used before, for sure. I hear all the rumors, but no guy has ever used me as blatantly as that one."

"What'd he do?" I ask, sitting up straighter.

"Don't worry. It's probably not anything like you must be thinking. Emmett's cousin is a scout for some school's football thingy, and Emmett's dating one of my best friends."

Vickie says, "Sounds like you might need a dating sabbatical."

I regret not realizing before how awesome Vickie is.

"Probably." Bella shoves the remaining half of her breakfast in her mouth.

"You should come stay over with us at Edward's tomorrow night. We're having an all-night game night, and if you like coffee, you're going to love this: we're doing coffee shots to help us stay awake."

Bella moves her head from side to side as she tries to chew faster. "Where do your parents think you'll be?"

James tickles Vickie, and she grabs his hand, making him stop. "I told them the truth. My youth group has overnight teen events where we spend all night going to movies and bowling and stuff every few months, so I just compared this to that. Edward's parents will be there. Plus my parents trust me."

They must've not seen the fading hickey on James's neck.

"You're a genius." Bella folds the now-empty paper bag in half and places it on top of her books. "I bet I can sell my parents on that." She turns to me, eyes downcast. "Is that okay?"

"Yeah, we usually start right after school but come over whenever. I'll get you my address."

Her eyes lift, and she smiles. "Edward, I know where you live."

I smile back, and she's so damn pretty my heart races.

"Oh, shoot." Bella stands and grabs her things. "I forgot I need to make a photocopy. Vickie, I'll see you in study hall. Edward, see you in chem. Jake and James—J and J." She giggles. "I'll see you whenever I see you."

As she walks away, I say, "Hey, Bella." When she turns around, I ask," When was that library book due?"

She points at me and makes a noise that's between a growl and a laugh. "Don't start with me when I don't have time to argue with you."

"Wait, I'll come with you." Vickie gets up, leaving her half-eaten cinnamon roll.

"Why the hell didn't you ask her out?" Jake asks when they're gone. "You were just flirting with her. It was awesome, and she's single now."

I rub my hands over my face. "Not for long. She has this dating queue now. You didn't hear about it?"

Jake whistles. "I thought it was like a behind the scenes thing. She knows about it?"

"Yeah, she knows." I don't eat the last bit of my cinnamon roll.

Jake squashes his empty milk carton. "Who's next in the queue?"

"Garrett." The air feels scarce, and if someone offered me an oxygen mask, I wouldn't turn it down.

Jake looks at me with heavy sympathy. "Sucks, dude."

James claps. "Maybe she'll take that sabbatical my girl suggested, and we can get to the pressing matter of the fact that your parents are not going to let them stay the night at your house."

My airway constricts further. "We don't know that's a fact. I'll talk to them."

The fear of talking to my parents about a co-ed sleepover doesn't compare to the anxiety I'm feeling about facing both Garrett and Bella in chemistry. I was so enamored by her presence, I didn't warn her about Garrett's hopeful expectations.

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.

By lunch, Riley is still attached to Emmett. Bella sits with us, dropping her brown paper bag on the table with a huff.

I've managed to check my phone at least thirty times today, and every time, Bella's status was still single. She dumps out the contents of her lunch bag with haste but then arranges them in front of her. Taking the bag and crumpling it into a ball, Bella looks over her shoulder at her usual table like she's aiming before she throws.

"Over here," Jake says and holds out his hands.

"I have shitty friends." She throws the ball to Jake's waiting hands. "Like, seriously. They can't be away from their boyfriends for one lunch period. If sex makes you that dependent on someone, why would anyone do it?"

Jake coughs a little, and I can't get past hearing the word sex come from her mouth.

James's shoulders shake as he tries not to laugh.

Vickie swats James in the chest, and says, "Sorry, Bella. It must be hard being close friends to such dependent couples, but you're always welcome to sit with us."

Bella smiles. "Thanks, you guys are my heroes. I was going to sit here anyway. I just thought Allie and Rose would join me." She opens the Ziploc closer on her sandwich bag. "Where did Riley sit before, anyway?"

Jake throws Bella's lunch bag into a nearby trash can. "Dunno. Wasn't he your boyfriend?"

Bella motions toward Jake with two slices of whole wheat, lettuce, cheese, and some kind of lunch meat—turkey, I think. "In title only."

Jake mouths, "Okay," and stifles his confusion with his food.

"What should I bring tomorrow?" Bella asks. "I make awesome ranch dip."

Jake and James never bring anything. My mom always has us covered. "You don't have to bring anything, but if you want to…I like ranch dip."

"And carrot sticks."

"Sure," I say. I'll eat whatever she brings and hope that she'll still come over when my mom imposes a time for when the girls have to leave.

She chuckles. "I'm kidding. I'll bring chips. Lots and lots of chips."

As much as I want the conversation between Bella and me to continue, I'm sidelined by Vickie who is full of sleepover ideas she just knows Bella will love, too.

When the bell rings, I turn to Bella and ask, "Hey, can I talk to you real quick?"

"Of course," she says and stays in her seat while the crowd feels like it's growing as people head to the exit.

"It's Garrett. Yesterday, he asked me if I thought you put out, and I know he's the next person you're dating, so anyway, I just thought I'd give you the heads up on that."

Her smile is tight, and her gaze goes far off. "Well, what'd you tell him?"

"No. I told him no. You date a lot, and people talk, but from my view, it just looks like you're trying to get to know people. You never look physically close."

She stands and gathers her stuff. "Thanks, Edward. Assumptions suck."

Alone in the cafeteria, I'm left to wonder whose assumptions she's talking about.

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I don't rush to chemistry. I make a stop at my locker to waste time, grabbing a book that I don't need. Kate and some of her cheerleader friends pass. Her lips hold their place above her teeth as if glued into a smile. She may not know about Garrett and Bella's impending relationship. I wish I didn't.

Walking into class just as the bell rings, I keep my head down as I make my way to my seat. The seat next to mine is unoccupied. When attendance is called, and Garrett's still not here, I don't think I've ever felt so relieved.

My lab partner isn't the only one missing, so when it's time to get to work, I'm supposed to partner with someone else. I don't move. Someone can get stuck with me, or I can get stuck by myself. In front of me, Bella is whispering to Angela.

Lauren Mallory stands next to my table and taps her polished nails against it. "Hi, Edward. Do you have a partner yet?"

Bella swivels around. "Lauren, would you mind working with Angela? Edward and I have plans tomorrow we need to talk about."

"As long as I don't have to work with you, I'm good," Lauren says.

Bella takes the seat beside me and writes our heading on the first blank page she finds in her notebook as if Lauren hadn't just said what she said. I catch her eye, and she must see the worry in my expression because she smiles slightly and shakes her head before she turns back to our work.

As I'm setting up our supplies, I feel a nudge against my thigh, and I know this maneuver. I reach down to her hand and take her offered Lifesaver. I don't look at the color. I've been doing too much of the color guessing lately. As I bring it to my mouth, I smell peppermint before the refreshing sting meets my taste buds.

"Peppermint," I say when I'm met with her waiting expression.

We work well together, and as expected, we finish early. Bella doesn't get out her book like she did so often last year. Instead, she gets out the damn list of her next dating partners.

I adjust my glasses and then pull on my shirt collar. She crosses out what must be Riley's already-crossed-out name. I don't know if her frustration is with him or with Lauren. She moves her pen to the bottom of the page and writes, _and then I'm done._

"Hey?"

She glances my way.

I nod toward the paper in front of her. "Are you okay?"

"No…I don't want to do this anymore. No one takes me seriously. I don't even take myself seriously anymore." She presses the pad of her index finger against the corner of the paper. "I was so caught up in the idea of finding my epic high school romance, and all this sudden interest in me when no one was interested in me the whole first year I lived here, that I diminished the connection that relationships are supposed to be about."

"So you're done?" My eyes catch sight of a name on her list, and I do a double take, scanning them until I find it again— _Jacob Black_. Paralyzed in a combination of anger and betrayal, my stare doesn't leave his name.

"I will be when I get through all these names." She brings her finger to the opposite corner.

"If you don't want to do this, just be done." I snatch the paper and rip it into pieces. It's not enough, so I crumple it into a ball.

Bella gasps.

"I'm sorry," I say.

She's staring at what remains of her future-dating list. "Just…I'm going to go. I need a minute." She flees the class minutes before the bell rings.

I shouldn't have ripped it up like that.

I don't know where we go from here.

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.

I avoid Jake through the rest of my classes and duck out of study hall early. Even though I like Bella as way more than a friend, I do want to be her friend. Ruining that by distancing myself from her once she started dating, and ripping up her dating list, were opposite of what I should've been doing. I'm waiting next to her truck when the end-of-day bell rings. I don't lean against it because I shouldn't touch her things.

She barely glances at me as she approaches. "Hey. I'm sorry I ran off. I got overwhelmed."

"That's okay. I shouldn't have ripped up your list."

She moves past me and unlocks her truck. "Why did you?"

"I don't like that you feel obligated to follow through with it, and when I saw Jake's name, it hurt. And I mean, it always hurts, but it was so much more than that."

She's in her truck now, staring at me from the gap between the body and its half-closed door. "It hurts? Can you explain that? Because I really liked you, but you never seemed interested." Her brows furrow. "I never meant to hurt you. I never thought I was, but if I did, then that means…"

Goosebumps cover my body as I nod. "I was…I am…I've always been interested in you, Bella."

Her head leans to the side. "But when Garrett asked if you wanted to try with me, you said no."

I let out a heavy breath through my nose. "I don't wanna try with you. I want to be with you every day, not just for a couple."

"Really?"

"Yeah, really," I say. She doesn't respond, and she looks more surprised than angry. My list of regrets keeps growing, so I don't waste any more time. "Do you want to? Not just try, but be with me for real?"

She licks her lips, looks me in the eye, and says, "My head's spinning. I'm sorry. I can't say yes right now."

I nod before she leaves.

I tried.

It didn't go my way, but I don't regret asking her. Maybe there's hope there even with the past tense of her liking me. At some point, I still have to face Jake, and I don't know how I'm going to get through that.

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When I get home, Jake's sitting against my front door. He looks like he's sleeping. I'm tempted to walk around to the back. My parents are home. They'll let me in. At the sound of my car door closing, Jake jumps up, and I have to face him.

"Dude, where have you been?" he asks, walking toward me. "I need to talk to you."

I step back. "Or not."

His shoulders droop. "That's great, Edward. Real great. Are you going to give me five minutes to explain, or are you going to treat me like an enemy?"

With a quick nod, I sit on the warm hood of my car. "Go ahead."

His breath comes out shaky. "Bella's in gym when I have weights, and I was walking with Marcus out of the locker room when we saw her, and he asked to be added to her dating queue. Well, then he's like, 'Jake, too. He's just shy.' She didn't even hesitate. She just wrote down my name."

I stare past him, through the trees lining our property as if I can see the ocean if I just keep my vision set on the distance.

"I told Marcus to get lost, and told Bella in the nicest way possible that I just want to be friends with her, and she said it'd be a nice sabbatical then. She could use a day that's just for a friend."

I swallow hard. "I ripped up her paper when I saw your name on it."

"Is she pissed?" he asks.

"I don't think so. She said she doesn't want to do all that anymore."

"You're not mad at me, are you? You know I would never—"

I clench my eyes shut and let go of all that unnecessary betrayal I was feeling. "I know. I do know that. It was just right there in her handwriting, and I lost it. I'm sorry."

We kick rocks around the driveway and talk strategy for next week's tournament as we try to find some semblance of normal. I should have never doubted him. Bella makes me blinder than James is with Vickie, and he actually has her. And even though I've probably ruined Bella's attending our game night, there's still the matter of Vickie's assumption that she was invited to a sleepover.

Jake doesn't stick around to help me. My dad's in the living room, sitting on the couch with the TV off. My mom's nowhere in sight. A box of condoms clutched in his hands has me wanting to head straight back out the door.

"Edward, sit."

With slow steps, I do as I'm told.

"Two girls, son. Two of them? You've sure got your mother into a tizzy." He tosses the box at me, and it lands in my lap. "Just be safe, and please, for the sake of your mother, one girl, not two. Just one."

I look at the box. Telling my mom about Jessica seemed like a good idea at the time, but now, apparently, I'm a player. Two girls are laughable. Try no girls.

"Thanks," I say, motioning toward the box. "Can I ask you something?"

"That's what I'm here for." He makes a temple with his index fingers and holds them against his lips.

"We invited a girl over for game night." I burrow back into the cushions and push the box off my lap. "And it's an all-night thing, and I guess she assumed she was invited for the whole night since we stay up playing and don't sleep. Her parents said it was cool since you guys will be here, and she does these overnight events with her youth group. They go bowling and stuff. It actually sounds really fun."

He coughs, shushing my ramblings. "Did you just ask me if you can have a girl sleep over, and in the same conversation, you're telling me you're interested in joining a youth group and bowling? If you like bowling, they have leagues for that we can join."

Of course, bowling would be his focus here.

I let him dream of me in a bowling league for a moment before I bring him back to my point. "Let's go play a few rounds before we start talking leagues, okay? But the girl, Dad? She's not one of the two you were referring to earlier, so you don't need to worry about that."

He scratches his elbow. "A third girl, kid. I don't know. Your mom's going to lose it."

"She's with James. And you can join the games if you want."

He sighs. "Let's go get that hole patched before we talk to your mom."

.

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.

Bella doesn't come to the cafeteria before school. She doesn't eat with us at lunch, either. Riley and Emmett are still hanging out, but it doesn't stop Bella from eating with her friends. Before lunch ends, I sneak out to the parking lot and put a few roses I cut from my mom's garden on Bella's windshield.

Before chemistry, I check Bella's social media page—still single.

Garrett comes in before Bella and takes his seat beside me. "Hey, did I miss anything yesterday."

I keep my eyes set on the door. "A lab."

"Figures," he says as he pulls out a notebook. "What about Bella and Riley? Did they break up?"

Riley walks through the door and yells something over his shoulder at Emmett, not even caring that Bella gave him a chance, and he blew it.

"Yeah. Were you sick?"

He pushes his pen through the spiral ring holding his notebook together. "Something like that."

Bella walks in, and 'cute enough' is far from how anyone should describe her. She's wearing a black skirt, and I've never seen so much of her legs before. Her hair is curled, but some of it's pinned back away from her face.

"Damn," Garrett mutters.

I don't take my eyes off of her, but mentally, I'm glaring at him. It shouldn't have taken her dressing up for him to deem her as more than 'cute enough.'"

She doesn't look at me as she takes her seat, but she doesn't look at Garrett, either.

He taps her shoulder, and there's a rise and fall of her torso before she turns around.

"You look beautiful."

She looks down at her clothes. "Thanks."

"You and Riley broke up, right? So are you and I going to do this or what?"

I thought Garrett was smooth, but now I don't think that at all. By the look on Bella's face, she's not impressed, either.

"I'm not dating like that anymore."

Garrett looks back to her. "You're not dating anymore, ever?"

She leans back as she pulls her Lifesavers from her pocket. "I might date, but I'm over this high school relationship dynamic where people just ask each other out without getting to know each other first. In my experience, it doesn't work."

"But this is high school," he says.

"I know, and I'm over it." She pops the candy into her mouth, and I don't see what color it was.

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.

Bella not attending this game night might be for the best. Apparently, I've been keeping my mom from playing party hostess by hiding away with my friends in my room. Our dining room table is filled with all sorts of snacks and sweets. My parents are wearing pajamas because they thought this night called for a theme. Vickie's mom spent over an hour in the kitchen with mine, discussing recipes and parenting woes.

Jake and I are moving the TVs down to the living room. Vickie can stay the night, but not in my room.

We're plugging in our consoles when a vehicle pulls into my driveway. I drop the cords and run to the window. What I said before about Bella not attending being for the best, forget it. She's here, and it's…so much, yes.

She pulls out a sleeping bag, but she has more stuff.

I look at Jake who looks as surprised as I am. "Can you help her? I need to talk to my parents."

We bump fists and run opposite ways.

I hug my mom when I get to the kitchen and admire the cake she's just frosted. "Thanks for all of this, but I need a huge favor."

"What is it?" She licks frosting off her fingers.

"Another friend of ours, another girl, is staying over, too. I didn't think she'd come, so I didn't say anything, but she just got here, and I really need you to be cool about it."

"It doesn't sound like I'm the one who needs to be cool about it. Any chance this girl is the one trying to change you or the one with a boyfriend?"

"She doesn't have a boyfriend anymore."

She unties her apron and hangs it on the hook next to the pantry. "I'll go get her settled. You go splash some water on your face, you look like you're going to pass out.

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.

Contacts hurt my eyes. They seemed like a good idea, an effort to be more appealing. I hoard Bella's chips and ranch dip, so much so that my lips are stinging from the salt. It's good though, and I tell her so every time I take a bite.

Vickie and Bella play split screen with each other pretending their cars are ice skaters doing figure eights across the field. I play with James and let Jake have his own screen. I'll be trying to make up my lapse in judgment to him for a while.

My mom sits on my dad's lap in her favorite chair and asks Bella a million questions. She occasionally throws a few at Vickie, but she wants to know everything there is to know about Bella.

Hours pass before my parents go upstairs and leave us alone.

"I'm glad you're here," I say to Bella when Jake takes a bathroom break, and James and Vickie take the opportunity to get a moment alone.

"Me, too." Her thumb rubs against the knee of the fleece pajama pants she changed into as soon as it got dark out. Somehow, she looks even better in my house wearing pajamas than she did all dressed up at school today.

"I really am sorry." My legs bounce. Even on my best day, she makes me nervous, but her being in my house after I'd asked her out is a whole other realm. Combine that with the shot glasses full of coffee I've downed to bring me further to the edge. The only thing that could be worse right now would be if she was Garrett's girlfriend.

She puts her hand on my shoulder, "I'm not mad at you. I shouldn't have had that list in the first place. There's a lot I should have done differently, but there was never going to be anything with Jake and me. And yesterday, after school…what you asked me…that wasn't a no. I just needed to sort myself out. And I keep thinking that I wish I'd just said what I was thinking when Garrett asked if you wanted me to add your name, I should have said if you did, everyone else could go away."

My jaw falls. I have no clue what to say.

She chuckles. "I'm going to go brush my teeth, and you should get those contacts out before you lose your vision. I really like your glasses by the way."

She gets up and passes Jake in the hallway. I watch her until I can't see her anymore.

Jake nudges my shoulder. "Bella Swan is in your house, man. What are you going to do about it?"

"Take out my contacts."

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.

.

"Everything okay down here?" my mom asks, checking on us for the millionth time since she went upstairs. Even so, she's proving to be a lot cooler than I expected her to be about Bella being here. She's given me a few excited looks out of Bella's view, but aside from that, she's been nothing but welcoming to everyone.

Jake's half asleep on the couch, and James and Vickie are making a bed on the floor on the other side of the room.

"I know we were going to stay up all night, but is it okay if we sleep? If not, we need more coffee."

She waves me off. "Go to sleep. You boys can go up to your room, and the girls can take the guest room.

Bella's nose scrunches, so I tell my mom. "We were going to put in a movie and just fall asleep watching it."

"Okay then. Girls, you're more than welcome to the guest room if you change your mind."

There are several thank yous and goodnights before I'm putting blankets on the floor, and Bella is unrolling her sleeping bag right next to where I'm setting up my things.

The movie is just background noise, but it's not loud enough to drown out the sound of Jake's snores or the occasional smack of James and Vickie's lips puckering against each other.

We're stuck in this gaze, Bella and I, pillows side by side. Couldn't look away if I wanted to—wouldn't want to.

"The roses on my truck today…were they from you?"

My cheek rubs against my pillowcase as I nod. "I cut them from our yard this morning."

"Thank you. No one's ever cut flowers for me before."

"I was going to see if I could add some credit to your library account, but I'm pretty sure they don't do that."

She shoves my shoulder and laughs. "I don't rack up fines."

"Sure you don't."

We laugh some more but pretend we're asleep when we hear footsteps come down the stairs.

When my dad leaves, Bella says, "I think they're checking every half hour."

"I think so, too. They probably have a reoccurring timer."

James and Vickie's loud kissing resumes, and Bella says, "Vickie, hun, don't forget to breathe."

Vickie giggles, and if they've gone back to kissing, they're quieter about it.

"Do you still like me?" Bella asks, and I can feel her breath on my face from the force of her exhale.

"Always, Bella. Always."

"Okay, good." She pulls my glasses off my face, folds them, and places them on the coffee table.

"I thought you liked those."

She rubs her hand behind my eyes to the shell of my ear, following the trail of where my glasses used to be. "I do, but I don't want to smudge them."

Her skin is tinted blue from the TV screen, and I'd probably look the same with the lights on from lack of breathing. She gets closer, hesitates, and moves back. I watch her throat bob.

She smooths her hands against the fabric of her navy blue sleeping bag that's shining even bluer from the TV's light. "I guess I'm better at dodging kissing than I am at doing it. I never actually have."

I kind of figured that's what she was going for, but hearing it has me elated. "Me, either," I admit. "Just hold still so we don't knock our teeth together and please don't hold it against me if I suck at this."

She moves her hand from her sleeping bag to my blankets and stops when she's holding my hand. "You won't, but if we don't get it right, we can practice."

It's a lot of pressure. No wonder she hesitated. Taking this burden off her feels right though. The tip of her tongue swipes out against her lips as she holds still and closes her eyes. I rub my lips together and lean forward. She's right here—Bella Swan, waiting to be kissed by me. I don't want to rush it, but I don't want to make her wait too long.

I touch her hair first, and one, soft strand moves away from the rest, I smile as my forehead presses against hers. I have no doubt that this is the same piece of hair she twirls. As I move forward, lips just barely touching, she wets her lips again, and this time I don't see it—I feel it. She chuckles, but we don't move away. I kiss her for real and move my own tongue on her lips just a bit.

There's probably fireworks. The world's probably spinning faster. We've probably caused a power outage. I wouldn't know. My eyes are closed, and before I kissed her, so were hers.

"I'm not saying this is bad," I say and kiss her again, "but I think we should practice anyway."

"My thoughts exactly," she says and leans back in, kissing with a little more tongue. Her hand moves against my shirt, and she fists it as she leans back and pulls me half on top of her.

Somehow through the blur of nothing else existing, we hear those half-hour check-ins descending the stairs. We move apart just in time and feign that we're sleeping.

When the coast is clear, she moves over and rests her chin on my shoulder. "Will you ask me again?"

I don't think I've ever smiled so big. "Yeah."

"And I want it to be more."

"More than title only?" I ask, thinking I'm getting her drift.

"So much more than that." She sniffles and pleads with her eyes.

It's surreal having her look at me this way. "Bella," I say. "Will you be with me in title and every other way? And can we agree that if something's not working, we make an effort to fix it?"

"Yes," she says, and her sniffles turn into full-blown crying.

I pull her close as she sobs through the best moment of my life. "Why are you crying?"

"I don't know. I'm just really excited."

We fall asleep like that, not caring about being caught so close the next time my parents check.

.

.

.

As we eat cinnamon rolls, this time around my dining room table, Bella and Vickie start planning out how the day of our _Rocket League_ tournament will go. Jake groans when they declare there will be kissing breaks.

"Are you as mad about this as I am?" Jake asks as he examines a piece of his breakfast.

I nod. "School will never be the same."

James snorts and starts stealing pieces of Vickie's food since he already devoured his own.

Bella looks at the three of us one by one. "Because of kissing?"

I wipe icing off the corner of her mouth with my thumb and then lick it off. "No. Vickie's mom just ruined our breakfast routine. Now school cinnamon rolls will never be good enough." That's especially true now that I've tasted them off Bella's mouth.

"We could meet at my house in the mornings," Vickie offers. "My mom lives for this kind of stuff."

"I'm out," Jake says. "I'm only playing the fifth wheel at the bare minimum."

This whole morning conversation is further proving something I already know, but it's still nice to hear. Bella and I committed to being together, and plans and suggestions of days ahead further make that an actuality. I trust her commitment, but that third day will mean a lot to me.

Bella pours coffee into shot glasses. "I have a cousin in Port Angeles. Maybe we could all go to a movie and meet up with her sometime. Vanessa's a year younger than us though. Is that okay?" she asks Jake.

Jake clanks his shot glass with Bella's. "Cool."

.

.

.

"Longest relationship ever." Bella takes a selfie of us before we leave her driveway. She's holding the roses I cut for her against her lips.

It seems I wasn't the only one ready for that forty-eight-hour limit to pass. When I got her text last night, I couldn't help holding my breath when I looked at it, but my worry wasn't necessary. She sent a few heart eyes emojis and kisses.

We're already different than any relationship she's had in every way, including her social media page. She's given that title on her relationship status to many, but that's it. We're only on our third day, but she's posted at least twenty updates of photos of us and statuses gushing about our relationship.

In class, Garrett takes his seat beside me, glaring at me like I've stolen his girlfriend, but she was never his. "You know it's just a social experiment, right? Girls love that shit."

I get where he's coming from, but my mind veers back to the last passing period when I saw Bella. She kissed me and hurried on her way, leaving behind the lemon Lifesaver she'd had in her mouth.

I can still taste it.

Garrett can think what he wants.

.

.

.

As we warm up, the girls say, "Ball cam," and giggle. Jake keeps huffing about it. Hopefully one day he'll understand. Girls are silly.

James and I randomly switch the camera view on our screens, and each time, the girls cheer. I kind of love it. Every time the game clock gets to ten, they count down with it.

When it's pretty clear we're going to win our first round in the tournament, my mom starts filming. It weird. We win the second round, too. My parents ruin kissing breaks because they insist on hanging around for the whole tournament. It'd be nice if my set up were still in my room.

We lose on the third round, but that's okay. It was a good run.

.

.

.

Bella plays video games even though she's not interested in them. She finds ways to have fun with it, and so, after a few times of her hanging out with the guys at my house, I realize I should try with her interests, too.

We settle into her favorite corner at the library, and I ask, "This is where you live?"

She chuckles and sets a few books on the table. "Yep, this is me."

I reach for one of the books with a sword on the cover, but she grabs my hand. "You do not want to read that. Do you like comic books? Let's go get some."

"That's okay. I've always liked knights, and it's fine if this love stuff is…"

"Romantic?" she asks, removing her hand, so I can have the book.

"Er…physically romantic. I may have glimpsed a few things over your shoulder last year."

Bella's a bit red as she eyes the books in front of her. "Mostly just romantic. Yeah, there's physical stuff eventually, but there's so much more than that."

I don't know if she has a physical timeline in mind like Vickie. This is the closest we've come to talking about it. I'm fine with kissing. I love kissing, but I want to be more romantic, too. I don't really know what that entails, but I'm trying.

"Are you going to let me read this?" I ask.

"If you really want to," she says as she looks over the back of a different book.

I slip a bookmark between the first few pages of the book I'm holding. "Hey, trade me. That one looks spooky."

She glances at the cover. "Flowers are spooky?"

"Metaphorically," I say even though the flowers look bright and sunny. I really need her to trade me.

She looks at me funny but trades anyway. I wait as she reads the back cover, and as she does, I move the other books to a pile in front of me, so she doesn't try to weigh her options. It seems to work as she opens the book and starts reading the beginning. I just need her to stick with it for a few pages. I open the flower book and try to act natural.

"Prom?" she asks. "Did you…or was this already in here?" She lifts the bookmark and looks at the same word written on both sides.

"I know it's not for months, but I regretted not asking you last year, and I don't want to have any more regrets."

"Of course, yes," she says before leaning over the arms of our chairs to kiss me.

When it starts to get intense, I pull back. "We have to be careful, or they'll kick us out."

She kisses me one more time and goes back to her book, but every so often she peers over at me and the smile on her face never leaves.

.

.

.

A few weeks later, I'm spending Saturday morning with Bella. We're eating muffins in the bed of her truck, overlooking First Beach.

"You got that library book turned in, right?" she asks as she places her legs over mine.

I laugh into the rim of my hot chocolate. She asked me to drop off a book on the due date when she had plans with Alice and Rosalie. "Yes. You're fine."

"You didn't ask them if they sell gift cards for fines, did you?"

I laugh again as steam fills my nose. "No, but I left an anonymous suggestion in the feedback box."

She presses her forehead against my shoulder. "You did not."

I'd never lie to her. "Believe what you want."

She looks up at me with soft, amused eyes, and I kiss her twice as I wrap an arm around her. It's cold out here.

She rubs her nose on mine a few times. "Are your parents ever not home? Mine always are."

I've met her parents. We've been going to her house when we have too much homework to do anything else. I got a tour and saw her room from the doorway. I'm not sure how she managed to get her parents to let her stay at my house. That won't be happening again, and my parents have enforced an open-bedroom-door policy. Luckily though, were already aware of their every half hour check-up routine.

"Their anniversary is next month. They're doing this day cruise on the Sound, so they'll be gone all day."

Against my ear, she says, "Do you want me to come over?"

I hold her tighter. "Always."

.

.

.

Being Bella's boyfriend means I have to be prepared for her to, at any given moment, stop walking, flip her hair down, and put it in a ponytail. I've walked into her in that position a few times, and I have to will my body to relax. I respect her and want to take it slow, but she does crazy things to my body, and when she's on my bed, with the door cracked open of course, she tends to throw her leg over my hip, and I have to strain back to hide my reaction.

I close my door because my parents aren't here, but they could come back early.

Bella puts her book and hair tie on my nightstand and sits with her legs crossed in the middle of my bed. "We're going to have to talk to James about all that tickling. I get that he likes watching Vickie's boobs, but I can't stop looking at them, either, ya know?"

"Yeah, I mean no." The front of my legs press against the edge of the bed. "I mean…I know he does that, so I don't look."

"Not a breast man?" she asks.

I refrain from looking at Bella's chest as I shrug. We crossed that step in the back of a movie theater last weekend. I haven't stopped thinking about it.

She lifts up onto her knees. "What are you into then?"

"I don't know. I'm not sure if there's one specific thing." I'm pretty into every part of her.

"I could help you decide."

And her shirt is off. It's on the floor and not looking would just be rude, so I do. She walks on her knees toward me, takes my hand, and places it over the cup of her bra. I've felt before, but seeing at the same time is surreal.

When I find my bearings, I take the initiative and feel her skin under the material.

"Should I take it off?" she asks.

I nod because I don't have the slightest clue how to take it off myself.

Straps fall down her arms, and the vulnerability on her face is beautiful.

She pinches my shirt and says, "Take this off, too."

My shirt joins hers, and I set my glasses on top of her book.

We lie down and fall into the inevitable kissing and touching we set out to do. Our kisses move from lips down torsos, both hers and mine. I find a spot on her side that makes her breath catch, and moments later, I have her breath stuttering again when I caress the spot with my thumb.

She takes my hand and presses it against the back pocket on her jeans. "Here, too."

I oblige and squeeze.

Her hand moves down my back. "Can I?" she asks.

I nod, squeeze again, and kiss her mouth.

Her hand moves under my jeans but over my boxers. Her jeans are tight though, so I only get my index finger under the waistband, but my skin meets skin. I didn't mean to go under whatever sort of undergarment she has going on under there, but she presses against me more, so I leave it there.

I don't hide the erection I'm sporting. This seems like an okay time to be having one. There's something about the way we're kissing as if there's a force behind it.

She breaks the kiss and pants against my lips. "I think we'd get a better idea if we took off the pants, too. What do you think?"

We lose the pants. I'm not going to argue with her logic.

As we explore chests and asses, stomachs and necks, I don't pick a favorite. She feels good under my hands. I want to linger in spots, but I also want to get to know other areas. I like her hands on me, too. She has a soft caress and fingertips that drag, sometimes digging into my skin with her nails, but that seems to happen when I've found a good spot. I like her hands everywhere and nowhere in particular, or well, somewhere in particular, and maybe one day we'll get there, so for now, I let my focus be with what we're already doing, and how good it feels.

"Can you?" she asks as I kiss her neck, and she moves my hand down her stomach, past her belly button…lower. "Do you want to?"

I take over with the moving my hand lower, and as nervous as I am that I won't be any good at this, I lose the nerves when she moans on first contact. I keep touching her, kept kissing her, and when she cries out louder, the rest of the house should be empty, but even if it's not, no one else would hear as I muffle her sounds with my mouth.

It's a high I've never felt as I look at the bliss in her eyes, in her expression, in the glow coming off her body.

She tugs the waistband of my boxers, slips her hand under, and wraps fingers around... "This is going to be a hard decision."

Hard, yeah. Decision, I don't know what she's talking about.

"I like all of your parts." Her hand starts moving up and down.

Oh, yeah that.

She kisses me, backs away, looks at me with squinting eyes, and then kisses me again. She repeats this until I ask, "What?"

"Should I try with my mouth?" she asks. "Or is that too fast?"

I'm struck silent for a moment, but even when I think I can find my voice, I don't use it. The word _sure_ , the words _please do,_ threaten to be the ones I'd say. I just nod, but when she gives me a timid smile, I say, "Only if you want to."

And when she does, and even if the house really is still empty, her mouth isn't available to stifle the sounds I'm making. It's too busy causing them, so I throw my arm over my mouth and muffle my own groans.

"Did you pick a favorite?" she asks, leaning over me.

"Can I just be a Bella man? I prefer every part that's on you."

She interlocks our fingers. "Only if I can be an Edward…Bella."

"Perfect."

She squeezes my fingers. "I should get condoms. You know. Just in case we ever want to."

I squeeze back, needing to feel more in a moment than like I'm daydreaming. "I'll cover that part. Just in case we ever want to."

"I love you," she says.

"I love you, too." I pull her down beside me and hold her close because as unbelievable as this is for me, she's smiling and crying.

.

.

.

I hear a whimper coming from the stairwell around the corner. It's secluded and a well-known hookup spot. I hear it again. Passing lockers no one's assigned to, I head over to check it out.

Her head's against the wall as if she can't hold herself up without its support. I've never seen her without her smile on, but I know who Kate is—everyone knows who Kate is.

"Are you okay?" I ask, turning the dial on the locker to my right.

She turns up a smile that shows no teeth in the fake way she tends to do, but also no happiness. Her smiles are all wrong. They have been for a while, but when things with her and Garrett are on, their confidence and cheerful demeanors are genuine. "Have you ever thought you had it all and then realized you have nothing? I mean look at this—" She holds up her hand, showing fake nails, the middle one jagged and busted. "I know it's silly, but it's like the last straw. It feels like nothing's ever going to go right for me again."

I know what that's like, but things have been falling into place these last few months. I have Bella and our friends. Her friends and their boyfriends are my friends now. Rosalie and Emmett have even gotten into playing _Rocket League_ with us. Riley's dating a junior named Bree, so he only annoys us occasionally. Jake and Vanessa didn't speak when we met her, but once apart, they both gushed about each other. Bella has them creating their love story through pen pal letters, and it seems to be working for them.

"It'll get better. I promise."

She sits up. "Thanks. I hope so. Edward, right?"

"Yeah."

She smiles, and it's a little less forced this time.

In chemistry, Bella leans over my table with a Lifesaver on the tip of her tongue as she kisses me before class starts.

"Nine days," she says, and I repeat it before she sits.

"One of these days, you're going to choke, you know?" Garrett says as he sits beside me.

"They're Lifesavers. There's a hole. I'll live."

When class starts and the lights go out for the short video we're watching, Garrett whispers, "How do you do it? How do you keep her?"

There are rumors about how I've gotten Bella to stay with me. Most of them are of the bedroom variety. Bella eggs them on with her go-to response of, "There are a lot of reasons, but you may be on to something." It feels like our virginity is hanging by a thread, but we're waiting for another true moment alone, and my parents have a trip to Crystal Mountain in nine days. We're both counting down. So there's not total truth in the rumors, but maybe there's some. No one's asked me directly before though. Garrett irritates me almost daily, but he wasn't always this asshole I wish didn't sit next to me.

"I just care about her and what she likes. If you care, Kate was crying earlier."

"Are you serious? Is she okay?"

"No, she's frustrated and sad. She broke a nail, so maybe make her a nail appointment and go with her. I don't know what else she's into. Just care about her and what she cares about, and don't elbow people."

He tucks his lips in and nods.

Bella turns around and eyes Garrett with a raise of her eyebrows as if asking if everything's okay.

I nod, and she whispers, "What flavor?"

I flip the candy around my tongue. "Mango."

She sticks her purple tongue out at me, her grape candy melting on her taste buds. "I thought I had you with that one."

"Always," I mouth.

Her eyes light up as she smiles. "Always."

.

.

* * *

 **A/N:**

Thanks so much for reading! Thanks to Fran for her quick edits and support! Thanks to dazzled eyes22 and Sri for helping me transform this story into what it is now! Thanks to Twifandom News for running the contest and all those involved! I had a lot of fun writing this. Let me know what you think.

I'm still working on more for Red Charade and Boundaries Undefined if you're interested. If I don't have you on Facebook send me your name, and I'll add you or add me Mylissa Denicks.


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